Time to Talk Mental Health – 7th February 2019

Post author:josheava
Post published:February 7, 2019
Post category:Uncategorized

As today is Time to Talk Mental Health, I felt this would be a good blog for me to write.

As someone who’s battled Depression and Anxiety for around 18 years, it’s a subject I’m more than familiar with. I’ve mostly kept on top of it by “talking”, to my husband, to friends and to counsellors. I also find writing stuff down helps, and just writing and being creative in general. So what better way to raise mental health awareness than to talk about it, write about it, blog about it...

I’ve read the statistics, as I’m sure you have, so I know how common it is in so many people’s lives. Most of you reading this will be able to relate in some way to what I’m saying. Whether you’re going through it, have been through it, or know someone who is.

The total confusion when depressions hits for the first time or the feeling of failure when you realise “it’s happening again!” The feeling of guilt when you see others with “real”, awful reasons to be depressed who seem strong and able to cope, while everything is going well in your life, yet even getting out of bed feels like the hardest thing in the world.

Sometimes it isn’t the big things in life that get to us the most. We go through bereavement, or a relationship breakdown, or a traumatic experience and people around us know about it. We feel it’s ok to be struggling, and people will check in.

It’s the silent, completely unseen mental health problems that I’m talking about. It’s when your kids are doing well, they’re sleeping at night, your marriage is good, you’ve got a lovely home, a car and a job you enjoy, but dropping your toast jam side down on the kitchen floor feels like the end of the world.

You don’t want to admit that you’re finding life hard, because from the outside it shouldn’t be. Yet every tiny thing that goes wrong feels like it’s crushing you from the inside out, and admitting it can feel like you’re the biggest moaner and failure you know!

You go on Facebook, post a photo of yourself with family or friends in the perfect setting, and wait for the likes to flood in. You feel good for about 5 minutes before scrolling through everyone else’s “perfect” photos and realising how unrealistic it all is! Sometimes there’s no concrete reason why you feel the way you do. Sometimes it literally just is an imbalance of chemicals.

Of course, outside influences do have an impact. Speaking as a woman and a mother, comparison is one of the worst contributors to our mental health problems. If we’re a working mum, we compare ourselves to the stay at home mum. If we’re a stay at home mum, we compare ourselves to the working mum, or another stay at home mum who’s doing it differently. If we’re single, we wish we had a family. If we’re struggling to have kids, we compare ourselves to those who have them. Am I spending enough time with my children? Should I be doing more? Am I not supporting my family enough if I’m not earning? Will my children be scarred for life because I am so tired from working and running a home that I snapped at them one too many times last week? There’s pressure from all sides, and that’s often just from ourselves, let alone others.

It’s hard to go anywhere without coming across an opinion about something. Everyone has opinions. Everyone wants to say their piece. Of course, there are things in this world that are obviously right and obviously wrong, but there are also opinions which aren’t facts, yet very often get treated as so; the ideas of someone who has a unique perspective. They’re going through what they’re going through. They’ve been through what they’ve been through. Their experience will never be the same as the next person’s.

What you’re going through can never be compared to anyone else. How you feel each day can never be compared to anybody else. We can all just live from our perspective and our experiences that shape us and grow us.

Since having our children my confidence has definitely dropped. A couple of years ago I never expected I’d have the confidence to be running my own business, but I’m doing it. Do I find it easy? Not always, no. Life isn’t easy, and sometimes it’s stronger to admit we need help, than to stay silent and pretend that everything’s fine.

If someone had told me 18 years ago when I’d just left home, some of the things I would go through, and some of the battles I’d face daily, I would never have thought I would write a public blog about it. I’ve always been a bottler… “I’m fine.” has come out of my mouth, or been shown on my face more times over the years than I can remember, when inside I’ve been crumbling. It becomes a default setting. Eventually, we have to get to a point where we’re honest with ourselves and with our loved ones.

Through all the ups and downs, I’ve pushed myself on the days I’ve felt strong enough, I’ve cried on the days I haven’t, I’ve opened up to others, some have understood, some haven’t. We live, we love, we learn from mistakes and we grow from each experience.

None of it’s easy, but we’re all doing our best, and that’s all we can do. We need to respect one another, help one another where we can, and never ever make someone feel like there’s something really wrong with them for the way they deal with a situation. We’ve all been made in a unique way. We all have something to give, and what we go through, good or bad, can be used to shape our future, as well as the future of others.

If you’re struggling, and nobody knows. Take that step. Tell someone. If you don’t feel you can tell friends or family, there are always places you can contact.

https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/time-talk-day-2019

https://www.mind.org.uk

https://www.rethink.org

As mums/women in business, we are all in this together. I’ve joined so many amazing Facebook and Networking Groups where we can do just that, and it really helps. Showing vulnerablility is scary (trust me, I’m still in two minds about whether to publish this blog), but something you write about today could be the exact thing someone needs to hear right now. Even if it just shows them they’re not the only one going through it! Let’s support each other. Let’s raise awareness. It’s Time To Talk Mental Health.

*If you want me to talk to you more about my personal experiences or even put you in touch with counsellors I have used, I would be happy to help. Comment, or contact me through my Facebook page. Jo Shea VA

**I would like to take the time to thank my husband and my best friends, for always listening and supporting me. Although this is my business blog, I feel it would be wrong not to mention such a big part of my life when talking about such a personal subject to me, so I would also like to recognise my Christian faith in God and how He has a crucial part to play in my battles with mental health. I wouldn’t be writing this without any of it!

Does anyone have a clue about Data Protection?!

Post author:josheava
Post published:January 28, 2019
Post category:Blog

As it’s “Data Protection Day”, I decided to write a blog about data protection (or data privacy if you’re in the U.S.). Data Protection Day started in 2007 in Europe, to “raise awareness and promote privacy and data protection best practices”, especially with such rapid technology changes all the time.

There’s hardly a person on the planet who won’t have heard of GDPR in the past year or so! It’s been everywhere! (I remember the week it came into play; I’ve never had so many emails asking me if I wanted to stay on mailing lists! It was almost comical!) Saying that, there are likely to be a lot less who actually understand it.

I’ll be honest. When it first came into the headlines I had very little interest. As a stay at home mum, it really didn’t seem to apply to me. Of course now, as a VA, I’ve had to make sure I not only understand it, but that my business is compliant. As a sole trader I’m just as responsible for making sure I have things in place, as someone who runs a huge company. Not just for myself, but for my clients too.

So, what is data protection, and how does it apply to you whether you own a business, are employed by a business, or just on a personal level?

Data protection is the protection of an individual’s personal data – i.e. name, address, email etc. and sensitive personal data like genetics, religion, political stance, sexual orientation etc. Basically, any information which can be used to identify a person.

GDPR came into play in May last year as a way to monitor how businesses process and handle this data. Although GDPR is a law brought in by the EU, if you are in the UK and concerned about how Brexit might change things, you are still covered by the new data protection act, which was brought in in the UK just before GDPR was and is largely the same, so still applies to you. (For in depth information about the UK data protection act, check out this link http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2018/12/contents/enacted)

As a business, the basics you need to know for any personal data you hold for clients/customers etc. are reasonably simple. You need to be able to show the type of data you hold, how you got it, why you hold it, how long you have and will keep it for, if you share it with others, and (if you work in or with a medical organisation) if the information is in the special (sensitive personal data) category. Also, where it is stored and the security of the data is very important too. (Check out the ICO – Information Commissioners Office – website for an in-depth description of GDPR – https://ico.org.uk/for-organisations/guide-to-data-protection/guide-to-the-general-data-protection-regulation-gdpr/ – they also have a questionnaire that can tell you if your business needs to register with the ICO.)

If your business has a website, you must have a privacy policy on your website stating how you use data collected through your website, and also give people the option to opt in and out of using cookies.

On an individual level, GDPR or the UK equivalent has boosted your rights as an individual when it comes to how your personal data is used. You have the option of withdrawing consent at any time, you can ask to access your data held by specific organisations at any time for free (SAR – Subject Access Request) and it basically reminds you of the importance of protecting your privacy online.

When it comes to personal privacy, it amazes me how little some people seem to worry about their personal information, but I feel that subject may open a can of worms so may be for another blog at a later date!

I’m not professing to be an expert in this area, in fact in a lot of senses, being new to business, I am still learning*, but I wanted to share what information I do know, in case you are just starting out or just haven’t realised what’s applicable to you, and need a shove in the right direction.

Don’t put your head in the sand. It’s just not worth it!

As a VA, if you run a small business and feel overwhelmed by GDPR, I would be happy to come alongside you and support your business as you put things in place. Just get in touch using the contact links.

For other articles about GDPR and how it applies to you if you’re a VA check out the links below.

https://www.thevahandbook.com/va-data-protection/

https://www.vact.co.uk/guest-blog-lesley-cooley-ten-things-vas-need-know-general-data-protection-regulation-gdpr/

*All information in this blog is from my personal perspective, and is as correct to my knowledge as possible, at the time of writing. For official information about these laws and policies, please use the links within the article.

Paper and a pen… there’s nothing better!

Post author:josheava
Post published:January 18, 2019
Post category:Uncategorized

I read somewhere that today is National Handwriting Day. I’m unsure if this is more of an American day, as on further investigation I found that the reason it’s celebrated on the 23^rd January is because it’s the birthday of John Hancock who was the first to sign the declaration of independence. Either way, it inspired me to write a blog about handwriting.

Since being a child I’ve loved writing. We didn’t have a computer until I was a teenager and even then I’ve always much preferred paper and a pen! (In fact, I have a bit of an addiction to buying stationary… Pads and pens all over the place!) I have apps on my phone which profess to make my life easier with ways of making lists, and with certain clients and in situations where I need to access something in multiple locations, on multiple devices, I definitely see the benefit.

At the same time, I also can’t give up paper lists! I love making lists. I always have. My husband thinks it’s quite hilarious. The writer within me, likes to see things written in my own hand, and it helps me get things straight in my head. Not just the list in front of me, but the process of writing it. I find writing a way to be creative, plus it’s personal and it’s therapeutic.

As my kids have started school, I have loved helping them learn to read and write. Watching their handwriting develop. Our eldest has been at school a few years, and her target at the moment is to do joined up writing, and work on her letter heights. She is adamant that she can’t do it, but I think the issue is she writes so well, and so fast already, she feels she is going backwards if she changes. Our youngest, on the other hand, is very different. She has only just started and is only beginning to write, but already I can see she is very particular, and will not rush it, so her writing at times is very neat considering how new to it she is.

Times are very different, even from when I was young, and in the digital age, more and more people are typing. Obviously in my line of work, I see the importance of being able to type, as it’s my main method of communication. This said, it makes me sad to think that maybe one day, handwriting will be secondary to typing and paper and pens may be left on the shelf.

To me there is nothing more satisfying than making a list, writing someone a personal card or letter, or just writing down how I am feeling.

Today, as we think about handwriting, think of a way you can
keep writing alive, and share in the comments below if you’d like.

Having a family shouldn’t be about survival!

Post author:josheava
Post published:January 4, 2019
Post category:Blog

"Nothing brings you smack, bang into reality more than having a baby!"

I’ve always been quite an idealistic person. Expecting an happily ever after around every corner.

Now, I know that’s not realistic, and nothing brings you smack, bang into reality more than having a baby!

"I had grasped the social media, perfected and rose-tinted image of parenthood."

When you’re planning to have a baby, the idea is so lovely, and you picture yourself and your partner sitting serenely on the sofa, with this peacefully sleeping baby. Your life is complete and you have everything you’ve ever wanted. Well, that’s what I thought, anyway. I had grasped the social media, perfected and rose-tinted image of parenthood.

"A somewhat naïve view!"

Don’t get me wrong, bringing a child into the world is so amazing, but it’s more life changing than anyone could ever try and explain to you before hand!

I took 12 months off when we had our first child, and then decided not to go back. (I worked in retail and childcare would have cost more than I got paid, not to mention the unsociable hours!) I remember being pregnant and dreaming about all the free time I would have when I wasn’t working. I can hear you laughing now! A somewhat naïve view!

Not only are you sleep deprived, but you have this tiny human being who needs you at all times, plus there’s the state of the house, the piles of washing and somewhere in there you need to eat.

Once they get a bit bigger, and you’re getting a little bit more sleep, you think you’ll start doing all those things you planned to do, but then comes the day that you put them down and they don’t stay in one place! So you have to watch their every move or chaos will ensue before you know it. Then for some reason you decide to have another child less than two years later and the cycle starts again! (Plus the added pressure, being only on one wage, limits where you can go and how much you can spend.)

"For a lot of families this isn’t the case!"

Now, I know this isn’t the same for everyone, and please don’t think I’m not hugely thankful that I was able to stay off work for six years and look after my children. I absolutely adore them, and I know I will never get that time again. At the same time, I want to highlight the fact that for a lot of families this isn’t the case!

When I was a child my Mum didn’t work. Some of my friends Mums did, but it was much more rare than it is today. So much has changed in the last 30-40 years. The pressures on parents and families is huge. I have friends who have stayed off and struggled financially, but it was the right thing for them. I have friends who have gone back after 6 months because they had no choice – although I know a lot of them wanted to stay off. I have friends who work part time and friends who work full time. Everyone is just doing what they feel is right for their families or what they have to do to survive!

"Having a family shouldn’t be about survival!"

Parenting isn’t a 9-5 job, and trying to fit in a 9-5 job, plus managing the home and kids activities whilst not missing out on milestones and school events (not to mention keeping your marriage alive!) is frankly, in my opinion, humanly impossible. This is before you take into account keeping on top of your own mental health, healthy eating and exercise.

When my children both reached school age, I knew I wanted to do something to take the pressure off my husband being the sole wage earner, but the thought of being tied into a job with set hours (and working out the childcare costs just for before and after school) filled me with panic.

"Too good to be true?"

When my youngest was in preschool, I started working for a school Mum a few hours a week for about a year. In June last year, I realised I was basically a Virtual Assistant without the title. I discovered this whole world of work that I didn’t know existed. Working from home, setting my own hours… It almost seemed too good to be true!

So far it isn’t! Yes, I do have the pressure of running my own business (don’t get me started on tax returns), but I also get to drop off and pick up my children every day from school. I don’t have to work in the school holidays, or I can adjust my hours accordingly. I get to take my children to appointments. I don’t have to worry about childcare if they’re sick. I can be at school for every event, assembly and parents’ meeting. I can even do the washing up in my lunch break, or put a load in the washing machine when I remember.

The more I hear about flexible working, the more I feel it’s the way forward – in all industries! It’s a whole new era for working parents with the internet and remote working being more than possible now. You can Skype or Facetime to have meetings, connect through online calendars, email and phone from literally anywhere in the world. I’ve also read that workers who work flexibly/from home are much more efficient and actually work in the hours they are being paid to work, than someone in a 9-5 job, and I can definitely believe it.

I’m not saying everyone should run their own business from home. You’ve got to do what’s right for you and your family. Some people need the 9-5 and if it works for you, then that’s great. I’m just saying from personal experience that being able to work around family life, surely gives a much better quality of life, and that in itself should, and will, be my motivation.